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A Letter to Santa

Posted by AlienCG on December 14, 2008

Luckily I still have a lot of the posts from my old site.  This week’s flashback goes back to the day after Christmas 2006.  I thought it was a pretty good masterpiece.

Letter to Santa
by AlienCG
December 26, 2006

Dear Santa,

I am writing you regarding your trip to my house early on December 25. I was somewhat pleased with the gifts left under the tree and in my stocking, but you forgot the 20lb. of Uranium-based spaceship fuel and the Dustbuster vacuum cleaner. Other than that, I was happy with the remainder of the presents. However, I was left with quite a mess. Apparently, you know everything except where the broom is in my house. There were cookie crumbs and drops of milk on my hardwood floors. Do you know how much work it is to clean dried milk off of oak floorboards? Also, do you know what a coaster is? There was one under the glass of milk, but you set the glass on my antique coffee table. I did not appreciate you breaking that ornament either, it was a family heirloom. This is only half of it, there were more problems outside.

Thanks to your decision to still use a sleigh and reindeer, even though it’s the 21st century, my roof has taken a ton of damage and will have to be replaced. There are shingles missing and it’s leaking into my attic when the snow melts. There’s also the matter of the smell. I don’t know what you feed those animals, but the whole neighborhood now has a lingering aroma of reindeer shit. Tell me, do you have a 55 gallon drum of Lysol in your sack?

Within the next week, you will be receiving a bill for repairs and cleaning costs. I suggest you pay it. The insurance company refuses to pay for damages incurred due to a fat, imaginary elf. If I do not receive a reply by Easter, I will be contacting my attorney and I will take you to court.

Merry Christmas,

Alien Coffeeground

Next week, I wrap it all up with one of my favorites of all time.


5 Responses to “A Letter to Santa”

  1. babybull40 said

    Ya know I sent a similar letter a few years back and the process server was unable to track him down due to some silly extradition laws… From Fiji..Cause that is where he goes for a break…thought I would let ya know..

  2. Tara said

    If he has the nerve to ignore a grievance letter like that, filled to the rim with reasonable reasons to sue, he deserves to be taken to court.

  3. churlita said

    Stupid, clumsy Santa. I hope you sue him for everything he’s worth. Ha ha….Or should I say, ho, ho, ho?

  4. laura b. said

    Aliens are funny 🙂

  5. k_sra said

    Very funny. = )

    Coffe Grounds, huh? I was totally off on that one…

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