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The New Greeting

Posted by AlienCG on December 21, 2008

I wrote this in response to the politcal correctness thing that has overtaken us the past many years.  There’s not much else to say, just read and enjoy.

New Greeting

by: Alien’s Planet Legal Dept.
December 4, 2005

Dear Readers,

It has come to our attention that the founder of this web site (hereinafter “AlienCG”) has been in the process of composing a message (i.e. a greeting on the top of the page) relating to a day that is celebrated by many, but not all, people. Due to the possibility of legal proceedings relating to this greeting we have assisted him in this project. We feel that our input will make this greeting festive yet acceptable to all people regardless of race, creed, color or sexual orientation. We have included all greetings prior to the final decision and would like to post a disclaimer that these greetings, which are only intended as examples, should not be taken as sincere by anybody.

Merry Christmas
This was the first attempt at a greeting and it was immediately deemed unacceptable because of mention of a specific day that is celebrated only by those people of the Christian faith. As it stands, the greeting would have failed to include those people of non-Christian denominations and would possibly offend said groups. AlienCG was advised to take these legal arguments into account and rethink the previous statement. AlienCG has reluctantly agreed to follow the advice.

Happy Holidays
While it does not name a day specifically it does still mention a generic term that may be found to be offensive by groups who do not observe special days during this, or any other time of the year. It also uses, like the first greeting, a word that marks emotion of a joyful nature. This may be offensive to those who have ill feelings during this period. Our concerns were immediately made known to AlienCG who was, once again, told to revise this statement. Again he has agreed to present another consideration for review.

Season’s Greetings
The preceding item contains neither emotion nor specific day, but it still recognizes that this period of the year is more special than others which may be considered of equal or greater value. Once again we have told AlienCG to write a perfectly safe greeting that would be non-offensive. He has handed this project over to us after speaking in a raised tone and using adult dialogue in hopes of making a point. We have edited out all said words by AlienCG.

The above-mentioned project has come to an end with a viable solution. The owner of the site will utilize royalties from usage of the new greeting to fund the three million dollar cost for market research. Thus we have come up with the acceptable greeting that will be used on this site:

Indifferent Non-Denominational Salutations
As can be told, this greeting contains no reference to specific day or emotion. It also does not add importance to one period of the year over any other and is, therefore, believed to be non-offensive to all groups of people.

From us to you,
Indifferent Non-Denominational Salutations

The Alien’s Planet Legal Team

Addendum–
As of this date, the legal team of Alien’s Planet has been released from their duties by the founder of the site. This decision comes under strenuous protest (by the legal team), but was overruled by the site’s founder, Alien Coffeeground. The above statement shall remain in whole as a reminder of the ridiculous nature of this battle. It shall also be mentioned that this greeting shall not be used by anybody because it really sucks.

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year,
AlienCG

I hope that you have enjoyed this look back at some of my favorite Christmastime posts.  I had as much fun reposting them as you had reading them.  Merry Chr—oops, sorry…

Indifferent Non-Denominational Salutations, everybody!

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3 Responses to “The New Greeting”

  1. babybull40 said

    I’m just going to say it.. Happy Christmas.. LOl.. I’m not offended by this salutation..

  2. laura b. said

    Cute – haha! I’m gonna go out on a limb and wish you a very Happy Birthday. Hope that is copacetic.

  3. churlita said

    Nice. It gets so ridiculous, doesn’t it?

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