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Leave it There, Please

Posted by AlienCG on June 26, 2009

Don’t forget the Trivial Tuesday, Redux from Wednesday

Yesterday’s post was about cheesy 80’s stuff, but it was good cheese, like the cheese filling of Combos filled snacks.  Today, I want to discuss the rotten, smelly, moldy cheese like that stuff sitting in the back of the refrigerator since the days when people considered Denny Terrio to be cool.  Question, is it true that if I mention his name two more times, will he appear to me and force me to dress like a Solid Gold dancer?  Anyway, yes, it’s that kind of cheese, so if you have a weak stomach you may want to leave now.  Yes, I know he was really the host Dance Fever and replaced in 1985 by Adrian Zmed (man, the bad 80’s names just keep coming and coming, don’t they?).  Well, let’s get this awful show on the road.

This decade was a breeding ground for some really bad movies.  Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo, Howard the Duck, the countless awful, schlocky horror flicks and the highly overrated big movies that everybody loved.  Yes, E.T., I am looking at you.  Let me just state that this movie was pure, sickeningly sweet glurge (thanks to Snopes.com for that word), not to mention that it also gave aliens a bad name (did I also mention the horrifically bad video game that destroyed the industry?  Don’t believe me, look it up).  The 80’s were full of movies that would result in Netflix’s, “If you like <Insert Title of Awful Movie Here>, you might like…” would result in Netflix either calling a psychologist or informing you that must really get a life.  As an aside, I am totally prepared to receive all sorts of backlash.  Oh, just to state my proof that the 80’s was the worst movie decade, Staying Alive, a movie written and directed by Sylvester Stallone (is that legal?) and Tony Manero is dancing on Broadway.  Let’s just keep all of these movies right there in 1980’s for our protection the preservation of future generations.  OK, keep reading, I talk about music next.

I love talking about the music of the 80’s.  Most of it is so awful and so….80’s, what else could describe it?  I will admit, there was some good music that came out of the 80’s, but it had to searched out and, in some cases the secret handshake, or having a relative with access was the only way to find it.  If you unfortunate enough to not have the precious “in,” you were pretty much forced to listen to Culture Club, Frankie Goes to Hollywood, A-Ha and, if you were still denied at the end of the decade, New Kids on the Block.  This was also the decade of the cheesy duet.  “Almost Paradise,” the sappy song by Ann Wilson, a female powerhouse of the 70’s and Mike Reno of, blerg, Loverboy.  There was also the Paul McCartney thing, too, with the duets with both Stevie Wonder (Ebony & Ivory) and Michael Jackson (Say, Say, Say and The Girl is Mine).  I think this makes the former Beatle the king of the 80’s duet.  There are plenty more, look them up, please, don’t make me do it.

Naturally, with the music of the 80’s come the videos of the 80’s to go with them.  We all know that The Buggles, “Video Killed the Radio Star” was the first video shown on Empty-V, but that was just the tip of the proverbial iceberg.  Let’s not forget the crossover of professional wrestlers with a few Cyndi Lauper videos that featured “Captain” Lou Albano, Rowdy Roddy Piper and quite a few others.  Then along come Michael Jackson with “Thriller,” which was like 3 1/2 hours long or something like that.  That was a tad excessive in my opinion and I think congress should have passed the video time-limit law after that.  Videos haven’t gotten much better since those days either.  I think it’s an art form that should have stayed in the 80’s.

This has been my argument for why many, many things such as movies, music, music videos and Denny Terrio must remain safely in the 80’s away from current society where they will not destroy the futore of this planet.  If I have not compelled you, allow me to present one more final piece of evidence to sway you.  Yahoo Serious was a movie star in the 1980’s, if that does change your mind, I don’t what hope we have of surviving as a species. I hope you enjoyed this past week of looking back at the 80’s. There are still two more days left for this week, feel free to keep partying like it’s 1999. Greed is Good.

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6 Responses to “Leave it There, Please”

  1. I think this is such a great post! I could not agree more.

    Plus I learned two new words that I like (glurge, blerg )and one new term (Empty-V).

    Seriously now, I thank you for the warning about Denny Terrio’s name. I will never utter it now knowing what will happen if I do! Solid Gold dancers… yikes!

  2. dmarks said

    I keep hearing of so many “Electric Boogaloo” sequel movies now.

    I was wondering if Marillion (best band ever?) started in the 1980s. But no, they actually started in 1979.

  3. churlita said

    There was a lot of good music from the 80’s, but I listened to mostly alternative music back then. I had never even heard of A-ha until I saw their video on V-h1’s pop-videos in the 90’s.

    My ex was in a movie with one of the actresses from Howard the Duck. Even she made fun of it.

  4. laura b. said

    Best. Post. Ever. You captured all the cheese in one super squishy package! I don’t know how you did it, but I salute you, sir.

    But I wouldn’t feel right if I didn’t mention that one A-ha music video gave me hope that an interdimensional love affair could really work. Me and Speed Racer, together at last…. Okay, now I don’t feel right that I did mention it….

  5. Seb said

    Thanks for the kind words AlienCG! I actually like the 80s, specially new wave music. I do remember seeing Howard the Duck when I was little, for some reason that movie really scared me. So did Sesame Street.

  6. babybull40 said

    Hilarious post.. Not sure if that was your intention.. But anyhow I lovedand concur your take on “The Thriller” vid.. seriously, dancing with Zombies is so 80″s..

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